FRIDAY'S SCRIPT TIP:

PRO ESTABLISHMENT!

Did you notice about ten years ago that every single trailer before the movies stars Kevin Costner? Two years ago we had him in MAN OF STEEL as Superman's dad, and then in the new Jack Ryan movie, starring in DRAFT DAY, starring in THREE DAYS TO KILL, and then in a film called BLACK & WHITE. Next up is CRIMINAL, saw the trailer for it before LONDON HAS FALLEN. I'm sure we are all in Costner OD mode now!

Much like Josh Hartnet's character gave up sex for Lent in 40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS, at one time I had given up movies starring Kevin Costner for the rest of my life. But when 40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS was sold out one night ta couple of years ago I found myself buying a ticket for DRAGONFLY... to my eternal regret. Now that the decade is almost over, I still think three of the worst movies of this decade were DRAGONFLY, INVASION and ROLLERBALL. It's hard to imagine a movie worse than either of those two being released in the remaining month of the decade. DRAGONFLY was written by Brandon Camp and Mike Thompson who are the current record holders for most money paid for a screenplay - they got $8 million for STEINBECK'S POINT OF VIEW a few years ago. The script for DRAGONFLY was rewritten by David Seltzer, who wrote THE OMEN... and one wonders how bad the original script was if this is the "improved" version. I could spend a whole tip on how bad the dialogue is but let's start at the very beginning... DRAGONFLY makes its biggest mistake a couple of SECONDS into the film!

DRAGONFLY tells the story of a husband and wife team of doctors who are so in love with each other that when one dies in an accident, her ghost hangs around the house and hospital haunting her husband (Costner). Though the completely inept script blows it, the intention seemed to be to make us wonder if Costner is really seeing a ghost or just having problems letting go after his wife died. For us to believe that Costner and his wife were so in love that he would imagine her ghost after she's dead requires that the relationship between the two be established... and it's not.

The movie opens with Costner in an airport arguing with the woman at the counter - he needs to get to South America because his wife is there. She won't sell him a ticket. Next scene has Costner on a payphone, calling his wife in South America. There's static, and they can hardly hear each other. We cut back and forth between the two as they attempt to communicate. Then the phone lines go dead. Next scene is the wife dying in a bus crash. Costner finally gets a flight to South America, where he visits the crash site - his wife's body hasn't been recovered. Which means we NEVER see Costner and his wife together. We NEVER establish that they are in love. The key thing required for this story to work is never shown. Throughout the rest of the movie, Costner SAYS that he was deeply in love with his wife, but there isn't a single frame of film that shows us that - it was never established.

If the story hinges on Costner and his wife being the perfect couple, you have to SHOW THEM as the perfect couple. NO matter how many times people tell us they were the perfect couple after she's dead, it's too late - it's plugging a major story hole at that point. All we needed was one quick scene that showed them together and in love - maybe he sees her off at the airport, they kiss when the flight is called and he walks her to the gate, holding her close. They cling to each other, even as they separate. Their bodies part, but their arms are still entwined. As she enters the gate/tunnel, their arms slowly come away from each other until they are holding hands, then touching fingers, then separate... only their eyes connecting. Then she disappears into the tunnel. Costner waits a beat, looking in the direction where she disappeared...

That might only be a 30 second scene, but it would establish the relationship between the two before she's dead and it's to late to establish it without OTN expositional dialogue. Anything critical to your story has to be established!

And established through actions rather than dialogue. The pictures on the screen are what matter.

A much better scary story STIR OF ECHOES (based on the Richard Matheson novel) has the same problem - though the rest of the film is great. The film concerns a husband and wife who go through some relationship difficulties which are intensified by the husband (Kevin Bacon) seeing dead people (the film was made before SIXTH SENSE, the novel was written about 25 years ago). I'm sure in David Koepp's mind the couple was established as deeply in love. There are scenes where they TALK TO OTHERS about how great their relationship is, even scenes where they tell each other "I love you"... but we never SEE it. There isn't a scene ESTABLISHING the great relationship visually. The film establishes jobs, family, neighbors, etc... but takes the relationship for granted! It opens with them on the go - caught up in the problems of everyday life. They have too many bills and their son has problems and the house needs some work and...

Because the emotional part of the film is the relationship difficulties, establishing the GREAT relationship would have made the film much more powerful. All that was needed was one little scene SHOWING how great the relationship is before that plot kicks in and creates friction in the relationship. We need to ESTABLISH characters in the normal world before we plunge them into the wild ride of the story. Dialogue doesn't establish the relationship, we need actions. A picture is worth a thousand words - "I love you" are just three little words. Everyone says I love you, you need to SHOW it in order for the audience to believe it.

There's a cool scene in the film SHOWING the relationship between mother and son. They are playing a kid's game together, and mom (Katherine Erbe) is having as much fun as her 5 year old. This is probably half a minute long at most, but it really sets up the relationship. It also establishes the mom as being 'cool'. You LAUGH at how silly she is playing the kid's game! They could have done the same thing for the husband and wife.

A similar establishment problem pops up later in STIR OF ECHOES when a character's actions are MUCH BIGGER than their motivations (as we understand them). This leads to a "say what?" on our part as the audience. This character CAN have bigger motivations, and I'm sure in David Koepp's mind (and maybe even on the page) those motivations exist. In a strange way, we see traces of them. But the traces are faint. After the movie, when you're trying to explain the "say what?" moment, you may theorize a larger motive. But by that point in time, you've already been pulled out of the film's reality by the "saw what?" moment. Again, all that was needed was a bit of action to ESTABLISH the larger motivations.

STIR OF ECHOES is a great, scary, haunted house story. Better than just about any of the J-Horror or Hollywood junk that has come out since. Because it was released about the same time as this little Bruce Willis ghost movie called THE SIXTH SENSE, people probably figured it was the knock off movie and skipped it. Mistake. If you like classic horror movies that depend on dread and suspense rather than spurting blood and severed heads, check it out.

Don't take anything for granted in your screenplay. If something is important to your story, make sure you establish it! SHOW IT! It doesn't matter what's in your mind... what matters is what you get into the AUDIENCE's (reader's) mind. All we needed was ONE tender moment between husband and wife - that would have made STIR OF ECHOES into a great film and would have made DRAGONFLY into... well, nothing could have saved DRAGONFLY.

If you don't show it, the audience can't know it!

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OUTLINES & THE THEMATIC!

OUTLINES & THE THEMATIC Blue Book.

ARE YOUR SCENES IN THE RIGHT ORDER?
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Most screenplays are about a 50/50 split between dialogue and description - which means your description is just as important as your dialogue. It just gets less press because the audience never sees it, the same reason why screenwriters get less press than movie stars. But your story will never get to the audience until readers and development executives read your script... so it is a very important factor. Until the movie is made the screenplay is the movie and must be just as exciting as the movie. So how do you make your screenplay exciting to read? Description is important in a novel as well, and the “audience” does read it... how do we write riveting description?

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THE BOOK THAT STARTED IT ALL!

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READY TO BREAK IN?

NEW!

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*** STORY: WELL TOLD *** - For Kindle!

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***

Screenwriting books have been around as long as films have. This series reprints vintage screenwriting books with a new introduction and history, plus new articles which look at how these lessons from almost 100 years ago apply to today’s screenplays. Anita Loos book is filled with information which still applies. In addition to the full text of the original book, you get the full screenplay to Miss Loos' hit THE LOVE EXPERT, plus several new articles on the time period and women in Hollywood.

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I WRITE PICTURES!

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BEST SELLER!

*** YOUR IDEA MACHINE *** - For Kindle!

*** YOUR IDEA MACHINE *** - For Nook!

Expanded version with more ways to find great ideas! Your screenplay is going to begin with an idea. There are good ideas and bad ideas and commercial ideas and personal ideas. But where do you find ideas in the first place? This handbook explores different methods for finding or generating ideas, and combining those ideas into concepts that sell. The Idea Bank, Fifteen Places To Find Ideas, Good Ideas And Bad Ideas, Ideas From Locations And Elements, Keeping Track Of Your Ideas, Idea Theft - What Can You Do? Weird Ways To Connect Ideas, Combing Ideas To Create Concepts, High Concepts - What Are They? Creating The Killer Concept, Substitution - Lion Tamers & Hitmen, Creating Blockbuster Concepts, Magnification And The Matrix, Conflict Within Concept, Concepts With Visual Conflict, Avoiding Episodic Concepts, much more! Print version is 48 pages, Kindle version is over 175 pages!

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*** DIALOGUE SECRETS *** - For Kindle!

*** DIALOGUE SECRETS *** - For Nook!

Expanded version with more ways to create interesting dialogue! How to remove bad dialogue (and what *is* bad dialogue), First Hand Dialogue, Awful Exposition, Realism, 50 Professional Dialogue Techniques you can use *today*, Subtext, Subtitles, Humor, Sizzling Banter, *Anti-Dialogue*, Speeches, and more. Tools you can use to make your dialogue sizzle! Special sections that use dialogue examples from movies as diverse as "Bringing Up Baby", "Psycho", "Double Indemnity", "Notorious", the Oscar nominated "You Can Count On Me", "His Girl Friday", and many more! Print version is 48 pages, Kindle version is over 175 pages!

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