THURSDAY'S SCRIPT TIP:
ON THE NOSE SCENES
Since we have a brand new film from George Lucas - that movie about the great state of Indiana and crystal skulls -
let's talk about one of 2002's worst written films where a bodyguard and the beautiful princess he's
supposed to protect have a picnic together where they talk and talk and talk about how they are falling in
love with each other. That scene just doesn't work. The dialogue is painful, the staging is
dull, and you never believe these people care about each other. If you haven't figured it
out, yet, I'm talking about STAR WARS: SEND IN THE CLONES. The problem seemed
obvious to me - the dialogue was about love, the scene was about falling in love, and
the purpose of the scene was to show them falling in love. Too much love!
That SCENE
is on the nose - obvious, plain, too straightforward.
If you're looking for a good example of how to write a scene like this check out some of
the Princess Leia and Han Solo scenes from THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. The
scenes that show them fall in love are chase scenes, action scenes, and fight scenes.
The first scene with the couple is all about Han leaving, but Leia wants him to stay
because he's a good pilot. When Han suggests maybe she has a crush on him, she
insists there isn't an ounce of attraction between them, and calls him "scruffy". At no
time does either say they are in love - but we can read between the lines. You want a
Han & Leia love scene? Here's a great example: They have taken the Millennium
Falcon inside an asteroid cave to avoid enemy ships... and the cave begins to move!
Leia is knocked against Han, who holds her steady as everything shakes. When the
shaking is over she demands that he let go of her and they go back to their bickering...
but for a moment, there, they were depending on each other. The first time they kiss?
The scene is about repairing the Millennium Falcon! Han and Leia are working on this
ship, she hurts her hand, he starts massaging it, she tells him to let go because her
hands are dirty, he says his hands are dirty, too... and they kiss. No mention of love or
attraction - all the dialogue is about dirty hands! There isn't a single scene in the film
that is ABOUT them being in love - the love story happens in action scenes. Not a
single On The Nose scene!
Do you have On The Nose Scenes in your script? Here are a couple of things that will
keep your scenes from being On The Nose:
1) YOU know what the scene is supposed top accomplish, but your characters do not.
They may think that scene is supposed to be doing something else entirely.
Here's an example - in BREAKDOWN Kurt Russell's wife has vanished. A truck driver
was supposed to take her to this diner so that she could call a tow truck, but everyone
in the diner tells Russell they never saw his wife - and they make fun of him. Outside
the diner Russell spots this semi-retarded guy washing a car and asks him if he's seen
Russell's wife. Now from Russell's POV (and the audience's) the purpose of this scene
is to see if this guy has seen his wife - and knows why everyone in the diner is covering
up her disappearance. That's what we think the scene is all about. But what the scene
is REALLY all about is the semi-retarded guy (who is just pretending to be retarded) is
pumping Russell for information about who he has talked to and what he has told
them... before he conks Russell on the head and kidnaps him. See, the guy is one of
the villains who snatched Russell's wife. The purpose of the scene is unknown to the
audience, unknown to Russell - but known to the guy. Once we get to the end of the
scene, we understand what it was all about.
There's a cool scene in Bruce Joel Rubin's GHOST where dead Patrick Swayze gives
the name and address of the man who killed him to his widow Demi Moore (through
medium Whoopi Goldberg). Demi talks to Swayze's best friend Tony Goldwyn about
the best way to deal with this information. Goldwyn says they really should try to find out
if the information is accurate before going to the police with it, and volunteers to check
out the address. Now we have this great suspense scene where Goldwyn goes to the
killer's address - Swayze's ghost tagging along behind him. Goldwyn sneaks into the
building, climbs the stairs, checks out the suspect's door... knocks. The killer answers
the door! Goldwyn starts a little small talk with him, trying to dig out information... NOT!
Because Goldwyn and the killer are friends! Goldwyn warns the killer that Whoopi
knows who he is, and they decide to kill her. We THOUGHT the purpose of the scene
was for Goldwyn to check out the killer before they called the police, the REAL purpose
of the scene was for Goldwyn to warn the killer that Whoopi is on to him.
The writer knew the real purpose of that scene. Goldwyn's character knew the real purpose of that scene.
But the Audience was living the protagonist's life, seeing the world through his eyes, and Swayze thought the
scene had a much different purpose. It was presented to us as if it had that different purpose. So when the true
purpose of the scene is revealed, it's unexpected... certainly not obvious, plain, or straightforward.
Just because YOU know the purpose of the scene doesn't mean your characters do.
They may have one goal in a scene when the SCENE has a different goal.
2) Imagination. In my Scenes Blue Book I have a bunch of different ways to make your
scenes different - and they are all about using your imagination.
Take that cliche scene where a pair of mobsters are going to take a guy who ratted out the boss
"for a ride". We've seen this one a million times before, so how do we make it different?
How about changing the location? What if the scene takes place while the rat is with his
family at an amusement park and they grab him in front of his wife and kid... then take
him to the Tunnel Of Love ride? Now these 3 guys want to get into the same boat
together, but the rules say 2 per boat, and all of the other people taking the ride are
couples. Oh, and the rat doesn't want to go. That's a scene! Or maybe they go to the
roller coaster, or the Ferris wheel? Take the scene and put it in a location you've never
seen it played in before. Or make the CHARACTERS different - what if our two
mobsters are Gay? Or beautiful women, and the rat thinks it's his lucky day? Or what if
the killers are KIDS - remember the opening of ROMANCING THE STONE where the
little boy playing on the street is the assassin? What if the killers are an elderly couple,
like in CLOAK AND DAGGER? Use your imagination to find the way to do that scene
that we have never seen before!
Make sure your scene isn't obvious and On The Nose! Find a way to make it different, or make
sure the audience doesn't know the true purpose of the scene.
MY BLOG!
SCRIPT SECRETS STORE - time to monkey around!
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Scr(i)pt also focuses on the actual writing rather than the deal making - this is a "how to" magazine, with Helegand's article focusing on how to find the right place to start your story and Frank Hannah's article on five
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